old dog, young pup

We are all at an awkward stage in life. Just when you think you are 'past' one stage, another one creeps up and BAM, there you are, wondering when this next phase will end. By awkward stage, I mean this: My sister is getting ready to start high school (9th grade, yo!) in the fall and she's going through the whole does-this-guy-like-me-why-are-my-friends-jerks-I-hate-homework-but-I-love-school-boys-are-stupid-and-I-will-forever-deny-that-I-have-a-crush-on-my-best-friend phase.

Yes, I remember those days. And I am so glad they are over. But now I'm in this weird stage (as are all the girls and guys that live with me) that makes me think that the high school phase was a tad easier.I swear, it's the twilight zone.

I am turning 24 in T-minus 2 days. What is that? I think it's the most awkward age that I will ever go through. The only novelties left are looking forward to renting a car and driving it across country because I can, and slowly coming off my parent's health insurance. Really? What do people do with 24?

It's like the middle child that people pity. Aw, poor 24-year old, you're not finished with grad school? You are still looking for a grown up job? You aren't married? Do you want to get married? Time's ticking, you know. 30 will creep up before you know it, poor 24-year old. You sad, unsettled soul, you.

Amanda, the girl who shares a door with me, is 26. She's in the same boat, and we're both paddling with our hands. In white water. On an empty stomach. And no one wants to paddle on an empty stomach.

A large part of me wants to stop being so lost. The twenties are supposed to be so exciting! But, mostly, I feel lost. I'm the person at the party who is searching for some familiar faces, who keeps shoving her face with tortilla chips because she's too lost to speak. The people in business suits ignore her because she has no experience. The people in swaying skirts and ray bans scoff because she's too old. At least the tortilla chips are good?

Now don't get me wrong, I'm excited for my birthday. I'm excited about my future prospects (???), I'm hoping to use my degrees, and I'm up for the challenge and adventure of everything. I just wish I could have a little stability these days. That is all.

Twenties? I think we're all lost. And those who are too proud or insecure to admit they are completely and utterly lost need to own it. We can't shrug it off. I suppose we have to lean into the confusion and hope, that sooner rather than later, that there will be clear skies ahead.

Now someone give me my cane and pacifier, because I can't make up my mind whether I'm old or young.

**On a side note, our final roommate moved in this past Sunday. His name is Kevin and he is 19, a Sophomore in college.

He comes into the kitchen, where I am making fish with pineapple salsa and wild rice. Amanda is chopping fresh garlic for her burgers. Lipy is pinching tumeric onto her Desi veggies.

This guy walks in and we chat for a bit. Super nice. He looks in the fridge and finds the cheap bottle of vodka that perpetually pokes the side of my milk.

He says, "Oh sweet. You guys like to party?"

Amanda, Lipy, and I look at each other, stop cooking, and laugh.

"Aw, sweetie," Amanda says, with a final chop of garlic and a raised eyebrow. "How old are you again?"


...we suffer from quarter-life crises everyday. We don't know if we are old or young, naive or wise, anxious or excited, ready to leave or ready to stay.

All we know is that we know nothing, and that will have to suffice for now.